Yesterday I was having dinner alone when my sister entered the dining room. I tried to act normal but did not make any eye contact nor greeted her. I continued eating and tried to be “okay”. The moment she asked, Are you okay? I started crying again.
I could not explain the sadness that I feel. Sometimes, it is just comforting to cry. It doesn’t come often but when it does, tears just keep flowing through my eyes. And I remember all sorts of things.
It started on Friday night. It was a busy day and I just wanted to finish everything that I could before the weekend hits. It was past 8 pm and I still had things left undone. Another sister raised her voice and started to get angry with me for not giving her clear instructions on an assignment. Her furious and loud voice scared me.
I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to shame her. I just wanted to make everything right. But for her, my rebuke is an attack on her personally. I forgot that she had this attitude. I forgot how sensitive she is to corrections.
I prayed to God silently because I don’t want to be in this position. I hate it when we are fighting especially on petty things.
I wanted to remain silent but I also wanted to voice out my side.
I did not want to cry. I did not want attention. But I cried while I was having dinner. I cried because I pity myself for being shouted upon and being the weaker sibling amongst us. I cried because of fear about the future. What if this goes on until we’re older?
The hurtful words she said to me still sting. And as of the moment, I cannot remember the good times we had together.
But I know and I believe that I can forgive because it is the only way to heal.
For now, it is okay to cry and be sad. But it isn’t okay to be stuck in this situation forever.
Nature & Reflections 